First encounters - Lessons on rape avoidal and tumbleweeds.

Well as this is my first post on this here shiny new blog, I should probably attempt to answer why the hell am I writing a blog about the experiences of a simple Londoner in the Lone Star State? Well admittedly, I'm doing to keep my family and friends updated on my life over here. But also, I believe the quirks and hilarity (some of it intentional, most of it not) of this unique and charming land need to be shared by a complete outsider. Just watch some old King of the hill episodes, and you will see what I mean.

And So it Begins...

I have now been in Texas for exactly a day, and yet so much funny has already happened. It really started in the airport, where the legions of moustachioed Texans started to become irate over the ridiculously long passport control cue. over my shoulder I heard this gem from an elderly gentleman:

I can't remember anything as bad as that passport control. Actually maybe 'nam. And definitely when I got married, but that was over 30 years ago

Holy shit, genuine 'nam jokes before I even legally entered the county? Awesome.

On my full first day day, I had to go to the international student orientation. Already tired from jetlag and a mystery steam train waking me up at 4,5 and 7am (I don't know what the fuck that is about either), I had to deal with the orientation, which by all accounts was a real shitfest. My god, it was one of those long informing type lectures that had me wanting to kick babies in the face after only 30 minutes. The entire process went on for FIVE hours.
Admittely, some genuine hilarity did come from a lecture given by a little police officer whose name escapes me. It was something Mexicanish. Anyway, she lamented about the effectiveness of using "howdy!" as a deterrent to possible rapists. What the fuck? If I was (hypothetically) going to rape somebody, a quick hello would not force me to flee. In fact it would seem like a sort of open invitation. Sorry, I digress...

She then went on to say that you should note that certain features on individuals can be regarded as suspicious. She actually claimed that moustaches and beards made men potentially dangerous. I bet Burt Reynolds would have something to say about that.

Burt Reynolds, potential rapist.

The other thing that bares a quick mention is the fact that fellow Englishman Tom and I, have yet to find anything to eat except for ridiculous fast-food. Seriously, we walked for four hours today and the healthiest place we could find was a Subway.

Diabetic coma and anginas, here I come.



P.S. I saw a real-life-honest-to-fucking-god tumble weed today. Most triumphant.